My Superbowl Predictions!

I have an astonishing success rate for my Superbowl predictions! Every year, I get it perfectly right! Here, let me gaze into my crystal ball . . .

—There will be a lot of potato and tortilla chips eaten.

—A lot of Velveeta and Ro-tel mix will be eaten, too.

—Lots of men will sit in front of the television. They will yell.

—Professional football players somewhere will clunk into each other over and over again, the ball will be passed and intercepted, kicked and caught, and whatever.

—Serious-faced coaches will talk into their little headsets.

—Scantily dressed cheerleaders will bounce around on the sidelines, grinning despite the cold.

—People wearing coats at the stadium will stand up to yell and clap and stuff. Some will hold up signs.

—And lots of beer (and football fans) will be drunk. Don’t forget your suitcase of Bud Light!

—There will be commercials that rival the game for entertainment value.

—But since we’re not football fans, we’ll be doing something else.

And those are my predictions for Superbowl 2011.